Social Anxiety Treatment for Kids

As I’ve written about here, I’ve experienced social anxiety. Now that I have kids, I’m hyper conscious of their social interactions. I know that they may be genetically prone to anxiety, and if they do feel anxious in social situations, I don’t want this to prevent them from exploring their world and fully embracing life. 

Navigating social life can be really tough for kids: there is much for them to learn about the world and their place in it. Kids look at situations very differently than adults do, and it’s easy for us to forget how seemingly small things can be quite overwhelming to a child. I’ve seen this with my kids: my oldest daughter truly struggles to say “thank you” to servers at restaurants, showing clear discomfort when asked to do so. Not an interaction that would trouble most adults, but a very real challenge for a four year old!

How can we help kids tackle social challenges and feel confident socially? What does social anxiety treatment look like for kids who are having a hard time in social situations? 

It can help to think of social anxiety as an extension of separation anxiety that manifests as kids get older. The thought underpinning separation anxiety that “something bad might happen to me when I’m away from my parents” shifts to “something bad might happen to me when I’m faced with a new situation.” Framed in this way, social anxiety in kids is a very natural response to an uncertain world.

An important first step to help kids overcome their social fears, and fear in general, is to disrupt shame around feelings. Welcome and openly discuss all feelings, which ensures kids will believe that their feelings matter, and that they are not alone in experiencing difficult emotions. 

One of the first signs of social anxiety in kids is avoidance, which I’ve absolutely seen in my daughter, who will often claim that she doesn’t want to attend certain objectively enjoyable events or activities. Kids naturally seek to avoid things they are afraid of, but this pattern inhibits growth and makes anxiety worse over time, leading to further withdrawal. 

I’ve found it helpful to ask highly specific, narrow questions about kids’ feelings around a given situation. Understanding why kids are feeling worried enables you to help them plan for success, and also encourages them to explore their inner worlds. 

Older kids can benefit from learning to question their assumptive thinking: if they are worried their classmates will laugh at them when they read out loud, how do they know that will really happen? Has it ever happened before? If it did happen, what would happen next? 

A great strategy for elementary school aged and older kids is to provide them with opportunities to practice social interactions via role playing. Acting out scary scenarios ahead of time can give children an easily accessible script that will build their confidence over time. 

Social anxiety in children can be extremely frustrating from an adult’s perspective, but trying not to react negatively if/when social anxiety affects a child’s behavior is critical. Showing kids that you are there to support them in facing frightening things teaches them to ask for help when they need it. Offer generous praise and positive reinforcement in response to kids’ efforts in overcoming their fears.

Encouraging kids to find social anchors can also help them feel more secure: sign up for a new activity with a friend, and carpool to class. Other adults can help, too (asking teachers to pair anxious kids with supportive peers for school projects, for example, could be helpful).

If none of the above is enough, you, and your kiddo, are not alone. Seek professional help if a child’s anxiety seems to be disrupting their life. 

Pictured: the author/owner, Mandy Barbee

*originally shared:  Oct 2, 2017