Dark days & Living in Trust
I can’t help but notice the light shrinking and the shadows lengthening as the northern hemisphere continues to tilt further and further from the sun. Light gets more scarce as we approach the end of the year. I’ll share a story with you below regarding these darker days. Although it ends well, it’s not the easiest for me to tell, but I hope and believe it can help anyone who reads it.
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In May of this year I had the treat of teaching for a half day at my international hypnotherapy board’s annual symposium for hypnotherapists, which was attended by MD’s, PhDs, psychologists, coaches, wellness providers, and others – more than 150 people were in attendance. You might recall thisl for me it was a great honor and was also a lot of fun.
With my leadership background in big organizations like the US military, corporate America, and in the private sector (such as for Paul G. Allen’s company Vulcan), I had a unique competitive advantage in helping the healers in the room to thrive while navigating the many challenges of running a small business… My talk however, was on Abundance: building the emotional and spiritual resolve to live, act, and serve from a place of devoted non-attachment, or loving kindness.
I chose this topic because healing practitioners often tend to put their own needs (physical, mental, emotional) in line behind their own service to others. It is a common trap for healers to prize self-sacrifice as service, when in fact, that way of being in the world runs counter to the tenets of healing.*
Maybe you can relate?
I wonder if you ever find yourself fulfilling others’ requests while your own tank runs low or empty. This dynamic can also show up as putting work demands above personal desires, or as failing to spend time discovering what your personal desires are in the first place! The pattern is so engrained in our modern culture that it can hard to imagine operating any other way is even possible…
Teaching at the International Board of Hypnotherapy’s Annual Symposium, May 2019. Angela and Tim Simmerman-Sierra, founders of the Hypnotherapy Academy of America, and Co-Chair of the Board.
This common but damaging reality has ripple effects within our own selves, as well as in our communities – and where healing practitioners are concerned, in the greater population that he/she/they wish so deeply to serve.
How do you think I was qualified to stand up in a room of so many professionals and talk for 3 hours on the topic of Abundance with authority?... :) I will give you a hint, the journey there wasn’t pretty.
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Throughout my life, despite being objectively successful in all that I put my energy and resolve into, it was the subjective success of achieving a deep inner satisfaction that evaded me. Despite being one of the boldest people that I know, I still wasn’t completely at peace within when I took those risks; I was making decisions from a place of scarcity, forcing myself in small ways, and assigning meaning to “victories” and “losses” which are intrinsically meaningless.
This is where I found myself last year around Thanksgiving:
I was still ignoring the quiet inner voice which was calling me to stop putting the optics of healthy, thriving, successful, happy life above the essence of it.
And in the dark days of December 2018, I was knee deep in that realization, and I committed to continuing to do whatever it takes to experience fundamental security in every single moment.
< What’s interesting to me is, by this point I had been helping others achieve the freedom I lacked for years. The work that I do had evolved beyond the work I had done for my own self. This isn’t irony, this is my pattern fulfilling itself! Can you see it? Despite having helped hundreds of people achieve degrees of alignment, and enabling themselves to put their own needs first, I had not given the same to myself. >
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2019 became The Year of Trust for me. I invested in my own healing with more commitment than I ever imagined possible. Sometimes I still look back and wonder what on earth I was thinking taking such massive leaps of faith. I didn’t “double down”. I went in 10, 20, maybe 50-FOLD on healing the underlying reasons for the fear within myself.
In the months that followed, there were many trials, and the journey was not easy. Growth will always challenge us! It’s not linear and it’s often messy.
Looking back I realize that in times of difficulty, my team members and coaches gave me REASON and helped me show up and be seen and accountable to myself when I might have otherwise been inclined to cling onto the false security of scarcity thinking and give my trust to the changing circumstances of the minute, day or hour.
Speaking at the symposium actually called me to step up and tease out the fear patterns in myself – through that preparation I was able to sort and discern what were real dangers and what were false fears. Gaining this type of awareness is the only way to reclaim your power so you can have fulfillment, contentment, and truly enjoy your amazing life.
As the months progressed, there were increasingly more good days than challenging ones. This Thanksgiving I finally got to meet my beloved team member of 2 years for very the first time in person when my partner David and I hosted Vikas in our home from out of country! What a reward for us all after 2 years of working remotely across many time zones, international borders, and business hurdles.
Pictured here Vikas and my selfie game is strong at the Ballard Locks. We were a little caffeinated but otherwise just high on life.
Through the last two years, and many dark days, Vikas couldn’t possibly have known the extent of the impact he often had on my life and business simply by being present—on top of all the impact his work has directly! This goes for other team members and certainly my loved ones too.
One question I have for you is whether you have considered how your mere presence is most certainly a gift? Have you considered how the consistency of your presence to those around you in your workplace or in your home is creating huge impact in their lives, even if it might not be apparent WHAT that impact is?
The actions we take have ripple effects far beyond what is visible to the eye in the moment. You are impacting others’ lives every day in profound ways you might not be aware of. You can be sure of it.
Today I’m inviting you to hold onto your power vs. give it away to circumstances falling in your favor. As we move headlong into the holidays, just remember that the appearance is not the essence of anything. Take a moment, ask someone around you a question – and really make yourself present for the answer they might not share in the first 5 seconds!
Furthermore, today I am personally restarting one of the practices which had the most obvious initial impact on my own pursuit of fearless living:
A 40 day meditation contained within the The Abundance Book, by John Randolph Price. Check it out on Amazon used for less than $1.50.
Join along if you are inclined or even curious!
I am confident it will make a significant positive difference in your life.
Our beautiful building against the Seattle nighttime sky.
If you need support or have questions, I’m right here 👋 you can reply to this email! I also trust you have support all around you, even when it might not be evident.
Wishing you a wonderful week and that you find and make little pockets of time for yourself to breathe deeply, wherever you are.