Episode 37: Your Turn to Speak
Synopsis
Each of us have exclusive and sole responsibility for our emotional reactions. An common question I see lion-hearted people grapple with is, How long do I stay silent waiting for others to process angry emotions, or even to recognize their ownership over them?
This is a really important question to be asking. Is there a better use of your life force than holding space for another person's blame, shame, or judgment? Is there a more powerful expression of your own values? What do you do instead?
This is the subject of today's episode. I also share my vision for the future and what that future will require us to let go of. I am excited to see how it supports you.
Show Notes
Welcome back Journeyer, to Calm Confident & Deliriously Happy. I’m your host Mandy, and today’s episode wont be edited. You can find the subscribe links and show notes at bit.ly/cicada037 . This is episode 37.
Recently I’ve had the most joyful process of waking up to my own strength, a re-membering of my nature and a recovering of so many parts of myself that were dormant. It’s been a long time coming, and it has had this extra sweetness for me because my own mission is to help others stand in their power too, without confusion, doubt or shame. Trusting themselves completely. So I have been able to see there’s a reciprocal flow happening between my self healing and what I make available for others through me, which I am so excited to see echo through our tangible reality in even bigger ways in coming weeks, months, and years.
That being said, it’s felt like a warm cocoon, and I’ve lingered there for some time.
While through the gauzy barrier I can see Outside: and things are challenging right now.
I have questioned what is really asked of me, what exactly does that look like. What is my task.
I’ve gotten little whispers, and seen little glimpses. I didn’t want to mis-judge that any conditioned sense of obligation was a calling. But the timeline has accelerated – for so many different things…
Until just recently, I’ve prevented myself from feeling the deep grief that comes from fully accepting, fully seeing what has already occurred, and where exactly we are now. While I know there’s a lot of fear, I am not talking about fear. I am talking about witnessing something happen before our eyes, and knowing, We’ve done this before.
Maybe you were stronger than I was. Maybe you let that grief through already, I know many people who have, and I am immensely grateful for you.
Maybe you are like me, and have also shut out parts of the bigger picture because it just seemed like too much to bear sometimes?
My eyes are open wide though now, and though I don’t claim to have perfect vision, I am no longer willing to pretend anything in order to preserve a false sense of normalcy, or hope of a return to a “normal” that allowed this polarity and division. That is not the world I am envisioning.
But to create something different, we have to let go of what was.
What are the risks to the future that I am referring to? What must we let go of?
Unwillingness to tolerate someone who holds a different perspective.
The surrender or subjugation of our own authority to make decisions about what is true, and what is right, to external or apparent authority, be it social status or standing, or any other parameter.
Distortion and manipulation of what harm really is, and what it is not, in order to further divide and claim control over individual sovereignty.
A sense of entitlement that someone else should say or do only what does not displease another. An expectation (backed up by force) not to upset, not to disrupt, not to peacefully and respectfully disagree openly.
Senses of entitlement that we all have that varying opinions can be wiped from the conversation entirely.
The misuse of language to twist and corrupt meaning and destroy potential for harmony and peace.
A sense of entitlement (greed) by any entity, corporation, or person to dictate whether someone can exist in society if they don’t comply to the loudest consensus.
A belief that there is one truth and that any entity or governing body can arbitrate it.
The lack of respect for a person’s bodily sovereignty.
A lie that safety can be ensured, and that death is the worst fate we can pursue, when the truth is there are fates far worse than death.
The lack of respect for all forms of life.
Beloved, Harm is not constrained to the physical. Silencing is just as violent. And the fact that we are confused about that is deeply troubling.
We need to wake up. We must learn how to take responsibility for our full emotional reactions to others’ choices. As much as you expect from others, honestly, are you willing to look at the places you are judging yourself so harshly, which stoke the flames of your own hostility toward variations in the fabric of our human experiences?
This includes giving certain behaviors or reactions safe haven within certainty of being right, and identification with being right.
I embrace you for you, independent of what you believe: I offer you acceptance and respect for your personal and often precious beliefs and values, regardless of what they are. I am not here to fight censorship with censorship, or hatred with hate. But I have been holding space for violence with my silence for way too long. I know there are others doing the same.
Silence in difficult moments allows an opportunity for someone to process difficult feelings. It can be a gift. But is there willingness to take personal responsibility for ALL of our emotional reactions?
How long do we stay silent waiting for others to process angry emotions, or even recognize their ownership over them? Is there a better use of your life force? A more powerful expression of your own values? When those moments become months, and years – could it be that we’ve seen enough? What do you do then?
Maybe it’s your turn to speak. Can you find the courage to share your message of peace?
I wanted to be louder clearer and more explicit about what I see, and what I desire for us.
My vision of the future is a beautiful one. It’s a world free from fear, and full of empowerment, a world of belonging and peace. It’s possible, and despite what things appear on the surface, that future is already on its way now.
I hope that if you’ve been feeling anything similar to me, that you feel kindredness and know that you are not alone.
I know that everyone will attach different meanings to expressions – and I think that’s part of the beauty of it. If you take my message to mean I’m opposed to any particular policy, or that I am against any particular person, you have mistaken the point. Those are not my battles. I am only here to bring awareness into places where force would be imposed. Oppression will be defeated by truth, not judgment.
For anyone who is wondering what is harm, and what is violence, and what is NOT, the ethics has been written – there is no modern savior or mouthpiece for this.
This article was a great comfort and reminder to me: https://www.imarcresearch.com/blog/bid/359393/nuremberg-code-1947
This article was also extremely interesting and helpful (through section 3): https://www.historians.org/jobs-and-professional-development/statements-standards-and-guidelines-of-the-discipline/statement-on-standards-of-professional-conduct
And or anyone who has felt bullied, coerced, disrespected, pushed away, or rejected, I want to remind you that those are your emotions to process too. Because no one can take your power from you. No one can reject you. No one can threaten you. No one can cancel you.
Trust the timing of your own life, and allow yourself the space and time to strengthen and heal whatever needs to heal. Not everyone’s process looks the same.
A mantra that has really helped me navigate the pressure of modern culture is, When I have something to say, I will speak.
Remember, no one can use or misuse your voice but you!
Until our paths cross next, take care.