Meaning of Compassion
Guest author: Leah Wyatt
I’ve been thinking about the meaning of compassion lately. This internal conversation was likely stimulated by the holidays: many of us experience heightened anxiety during this time of year. I spent more time than usual considering how I can alleviate it.
Exploring the broader meanings behind our seasonal celebrations feels like a potentially helpful way to combat holiday-driven stress.
Why and what are we really celebrating? Is obsessing over parties, gifts, and how big and glittery my Christmas tree is lending meaning to my life? What could I be doing instead? What is most important? As a (relatively new) parent, do I want my children to think about the holidays in terms of shiny presents and lots of sugary food, or in terms of being thankful and extending our love to others?
Compassion, I’ve concluded, is something I’d like my family to focus on, during the holidays and in general. I’d love to teach my children to be compassionate towards others and towards themselves--this is possibly one of the most important tasks of parenting! But what does it mean to be compassionate?
We can think about compassion as a state of acceptance. To be compassionate is to demonstrate deep caring without judgment. Compassion can be thought of as a central part of being human: perhaps the very reason for our being...
I think of compassion as stemming, at least in part, from empathy. If we can identify deeply with others and truly understand what they might be feeling and why, we can show compassion for them.
But self-compassion, to me, feels a little different than empathy towards others, and a bit more difficult to demonstrate. I doubt I’m alone in finding that showing non judgmental concern for others is often easier than extending the same consideration towards myself.
My reflections on this topic circle back to thoughts about my three young children. How do we teach our children compassion for themselves and others? How am I demonstrating compassion to my kids? Am I capable of true self compassion, which I feel I need to be in order to authentically teach my children how to show compassion towards themselves? This all feels challenging and overwhelming, to be completely honest, but as a parent, everything you want to teach your kids starts with yourself. Which can be extremely powerful motivation to reassess your mental and emotional habits.
To begin teaching my children (two year old twins, and a four year old) about empathy and compassion, I’ve started by encouraging them to think about how their behavior is affecting others, and helping them reflect on how certain events might make other people feel. My four year old is catching on pretty rapidly, and my more verbally advanced two year old twin can articulate that certain events happening to others might “make them sad.” Our discussions are extremely basic given their ages, but talking about compassion with them helps keep it at the forefront of my mind, which helps me walk my talk, so to speak. We are learning and growing together, which sounds a little cheesy, but feels very rewarding.
Success with my kiddos aside, compassion can feel like a vague, broad concept. How can we move from thinking about it to practicing it? It can (and maybe should) start with yourself. Celebrate your successes, and forgive your failures. Practice letting go of, and moving on from, moments in your life that feel negative.Active listening, which can help us truly hear others and in turn feel compassion for them, is another habit well worth embracing.
Two helpful active listening tips I’ve come across are to repeat back what you are hearing, and to ask open ended questions, social habits which help us understand where others are coming from. We can also learn to better listen to ourselves by allowing ourselves space for stillness and reflection.
Practicing non judgment also feels key to compassion. I can be quick to judge myself and others, and I’ve been trying my best to pause before assigning value to things. Pausing before reacting, which for me is incredibly difficult but also well worth attempting, helps avoid judgment and negative mental churn in general.
Life can be difficult, but we are all doing the best we can, and compassion helps us show love for others and for ourselves. This time of year, when society’s consumerism can feel suffocating, practicing compassion can be an antidote. I’m planning to embrace compassion as 2019 gives way to 2020, and am hoping to feel more joyful and less drained once the new year arrives.
Pictured: the owner, Mandy Barbee