Episode 32: Reputation Protection at the Expense of Transparency
Synopsis
Every day, every decision, every moment we have a chance to live or to abandon our own values. Likewise, every experience that we have has the potential to teach us something about ourselves - be that as a mirror or through contrast. In today's episode, I share how a specific experience i had receiving services within the industry I work clarified my values in a powerful way, and informed how I express those values through my practice. I suspect you are gonna find it interesting and revealing, and I also believe you'll be able to apply the general learning to any number of contexts in your current experience, right away.
Show Notes
Reputation Protection at the Expense of Transparency: Why the Coaching Industry Standard Non-Disclosure Terms for Clients Need to Change.
You know what I do, right? :)
In order to coach. You need to be coached.
I don’t grow in my skill without constantly putting attention to my craft and reflecting experiences and responses off people who have more time in the game, who I also trust deeply.
When I was sharing a recent experience with my sister in which I was on the receiving end of healing support, she shared with me something that was a little too close for comfort and made me laugh hard.
Larry David. Patient-Doctor Confidentiality.
“How did Sheryl know that my wife and I love truffles?” you told Sheryl.
Yeah I told her you.
There’s been a breach of the Patient-Doctor Confidentiality.
There’s no such thing as Patient-Doctor Confidentiality. what I think what you’re referring to is Doctor-Patient Confidentiality and that’s a whole different ball game.
Larry, what I try to create here is a circle of trust. And, can I have your arms for a second, I’d rather not.
Alright well then I’ll use my own arms.
Use your own arms.
Here, it’s like this and it creates a circle.
And quite frankly nothing should leave this circle, it should be iron clad.
Alright I apologize if I betrayed your confidence in any way. And you have my words, that it will never ever happen again.
Larry, I think this is a breakthrough.
No it’s not a breakthrough.
I think it’s a breakthrough.
It’s not a breakthrough.
I’ll write down breakthrough.
What do you think when you hear this story?
For years I was in containers with people in the industry, with various practices which were not aligned. But they were so prevalent and pervasive that it almost seemed like there were no alternatives. Not only was it industry standard, but there weren’t options to that.
What does this structure create. What are the secondary effects?
Coaches with non-disclosure terms. This doesn’t make us feel safe. This doesn’t make us feel unashamed.
What happens is, the person who submits to vulnerability can’t share if the experience was negative.
That doesn’t seem right!
What purpose does it serve. To prevent someone from sharing negative.
What is communicated? Toxic positivity. Reputation protection at the expense of transparency. If it’s positive it’s okay, but not if someone is angry and upset.
How different is it really – to bribe someone for a good review, than it is to silence a negative one.
I don’t mind if someone wants to post a negative review.
And if they want to post it anonymously, I kind of understand that too.
Because you know what my job is? It’s my job to hold the space. They’re showing up with a certain degree of vulnerability – it’s my job to be in rapport with that. A relationship is two ways.
Expecting a client to fall in line and give away their right to share their experience “only if it was bad” is just the other side of the coin of someone thinking they own you just because they paid your fee. We’ve all worked for someone who felt that way before.
Let’s take this deeper though. I’m going to go up the ante one more time.
The way I run my business is the way I run my life: in a soul to soul fashion.
What does this mean. It means there’s a sacred relationship that’s tended with responsibility. WHILE I hold the space, and WHILE I accept financial energy for my help, I also show up in vulnerability as a human being.
Nurturing and guiding others with LOVE through a process that is painful that we call growth and evolution. Not keeping love from the equation.
What this looks like in my practice is that I trust the people I work with, and I trust myself to manage myself and my own boundaries, and to help them learn to create their own.
The truth is, nothing someone else can do can really harm us – operating as if that’s not true sends a mixed message when we’re in the business of helping others claim healthy emotional interdependence and dominion over their own experiences. Freedom.