Episode 4: Healing Anxiety Is Possible (a case study)
Synopsis
I'm noticing a lot of very established practitioners, healers, clinicians and coaches positioned as experts who are mis-informed about what's possible regarding healing trauma. Aside, anyone asserting limitations as fact is on thin ice ethically speaking. This episode delves into the nocebo effect that's creating mental health peril in the fully developed countries, and how to take greater control of your own physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing journey.
Show Notes
Welcome back journeyers, hope you enjoyed the last episode - the interview I got to do with Marty. today I want to jump right into a trend of disinformation I’m seeing in the mental health space.
What do I mean by disinformation: I’m talking about the overwhelming amount of presumed experts who are propagating the explicit untruth that anxiety, depression, and trauma cannot be healed.
The is idea that these emotional experiences can never be fully released is utterly and completely false. If this feels controversial, I feel you. I hope you keep listening anyway.
And if you ask me, it’s the single most dangerous dynamic happening in the mental health space in fully developed countries.
What’s especially insidious about this issue of disinformation and this blatant mis-education by people who position themselves as authority on these topics, is that it perpetuates all of our willingness to cope with unhealthy pain.
When we accept a limited possibilities space, if we believe we can’t fix these things, at a high level that keeps us divorced from our personal power. Because without hope of an alternative, what else are you supposed to do?
This is bad for the whole world, and has impacts far far beyond that felt by you or me personally.
There are additional reasons why this setup whole arrangement should raise an eyebrow, two come to mind - and I’ll circle back to that – but I want to begin by sharing with you a story about a very dear client of mine to give us a backdrop for this discussion. I’m going to call her Alex.
Alex suffered from panic attacks, and chronic anxiousness which had been onset since she was about 7 years old.
Now, for sure I don’t specialize in panic attacks, but this was her specific experience. Consistent and severe diagnosed anxiety punctuated by panic attacks had become such a regular part of her experience that her life routine revolved around managing it. This impacted her ability to show up at work, and about a year prior to her first connecting with me, she had actually lost a very lucrative job as a result of this incredible problem.
To be clear, I was and always do, work adjunct to someone’s medical care team, including doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors and therapists. In Alex’ case, she’d been under the care of doctors for years. My help was what she was missing. I do what they don’t.
We had exchanged a lot of communication up front, her doctors were in the loop, and I took her on because the problem was in my scope, the rapport was there, and her true desire to create the shift and own the process was palpable. This meant I could definitely help her.
So here we are, five weeks into our work together, right as we are heading into a pivotal aspect of the program – the long session, we were on the phone and she told me, casually, almost dismissively as a matter of fact:
“I know I’m going to be managing this for the rest of my life…” Her voice just trailed off. False confidence masked a hopeless hollow tone.
I was stunned. Gut wrenching. It felt like my heart broke a tiny bit.
It was the first time since our original discovery call that I could see her doubt and fear.
I was surprised because this was not the understanding we established at the start of our work together. It was not the promise of the work. It was not our verbal contract.
Our endeavor was to heal and release the pattern. And if she didn’t believe it was possible on a deep level, that’s a big deal.
Her words showed me that even though we had developed a very strong, healthy, professional trust – with beautiful boundaries intact – and the foundation of a healing relationship was in place, half of the way in this incredible light of a person still didn’t believe deep down that she could let this pattern go.
Why was she anxious?
Since she was a child, outright physical and emotional abuse had mercilessly been inflicted by another deeply wounded family member. The abuses she’d endured during her life were normalized by family members.
Now that she was attempting to heal the effects of the physical and emotional hurt, the same family was offering instruction and education that the chronic, acute, debilitating anxiety was something that at best people could learn to manage over time – but never should she hope to be free from it.
Even though she had committed to everything I assigned to her along the way, the minute I heard these words I knew she didn’t yet believe she could have what we had talked about. I was so glad she told me.
Confronting a person in this kind of a moment is just about the most important thing I will ever do in my professional life. This was her moment of truth. What I know from experience is, that sometimes even calling in every chip of trust you’ve won together and established up to that moment, it isn’t enough to help a person over the threshold of believing it’s possible. She always had a choice.
I gathered all the courage I could and fully composed myself in a split second before asking her:
“Alex, are you ready to let this go?”
I almost couldn’t hear her response.
Her voice quivered when she said: “I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone to ask me that question.”
I felt like I was watching Popeye eat a can of spinach.
I told her, “That’s what I thought we were here to do.”
I said, it’s possible and it’s time, if you’re ready.
She said, “Yeah, I’m ready.” We laughed. We pulled in the long session, and squared away some more admin before getting off the call – nothing was standing in her way any more.
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I still can’t get over moment like that. I will literally carry them with me until I die.
I want to check in with you for a second. What are you feeling right now as you hear my story?
Let’s create a little space. Do you identify with her? Did you feel what I felt maybe? Did you shift into curiosity? Judgment? Confusion? Distraction? Did it trigger you? Give you hope? All reactions welcome.
What a wide the variety of experiences are available. I think sometimes it depends what is the headspace we enter into listening that can color our reactions to others’ truth.
I talked at length in episode 2 about what it means to heal the root cause of an unconscious problem like anxiety. I really really want you to listen to it if you haven’t yet, because it will help what I’m about to say now make a lot more sense.
When you work in the state of consciousness where trauma lives, to release the pattern from the body, using the languages of the subconscious, in a consistent way until it’s healed, it is completely and totally 100% possible to heal these types of problems. We’re talking about freedom.
The spread of dis-information that real healing isn’t possible within spaces and sources of quote healing information is really scary if you ask me:
The idea that no one is capable of anything more than coping with trauma and that universally everyone will be managing it for the rest of their individual lives is simply not true.
For sure there’s layers to these problems. and because we are complex beings with so many facets: growth is a lifelong process. Agreed. But to say that acute or chronic anxiousness is across the board not able to be shifted in significant, lasting ways for people is not reality.
What is true is that if you try to shift shift unconscious problems using conscious techniques alone, success is unlikely, even at a glacial pace of change.
What is true is that embodiment and trauma informed healing is different from self coaching.
What is true is that process-based imagery work to heal sabotage and lifelong problems controlled by someone’s subconscious takes more than mindset work.
What is true is that emotional processing is different from reframing and cognitive behavioral therapy – even though all these things can be helpful.
What’s true is that talking about problems without processing the emotion connected with them can re-traumatize people – it happens all the time.
It’s true that self awareness and problem awareness alone don’t shift problems, but that awareness is a necessary step along the way. Knowing the root is different from healing it.
What is true is that permanent healing is possible and is well documented, but to heal problems that live in your body you must be working with embodiment techniques.
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Want the rest of the story?
We cleared her anxiety, that’s for sure. Alex chose to believe even though it was scary. She risked the safety of just accepting her fate, and foregoing disappointment, in order to reach for something more.
She created the opportunity to heal when she partnered with me. But when it comes time to actually leap, no one can push you. You’ve got to jump. And she did.